(Not so)Fat people need love too...a rant.

So living in Sin Vincent has taught me much. One of them is the importance of having thick skin and the sagacity of apathy. I must say that I suck at both. I especially suck at the former when it comes to me poundage. I am not talking about the sterling type either. Due to winter hibernation in first half of 2008 and a crazy later half said same year, your girl has gained, ahem a, few. I got thick-er. I am in proportion, mind you. The spread is evenly distributed. But there is a significant difference between now and when I left home in Jan 2008. I know this. It is obvious. But the sweet fools, (as Shake Keane called 'em) are at pains to point it out to me... as though stating the obvious is a talent. Their statements include the following:

"Yo bussin' wid fat boy!"
"Wha happen to you? Yo had a baby?"
"You used to look like a coca-cola bottle, now you look like a Jo-Litre bottle."(My personal favorite. :P)
"Yo put on weight?"
"Girl watch that weight."

Shopping is the worst.

When I go into store in de city, I have to leave my pride outside. I mean, I would approach a nice looking outfit or dress or something that catches my eye. I would ask the sales person if there are any sizes only to have her (always a woman) look me up and down in a protracted scrutiny and say, "We don't have anything in your size, especially to fit your bust."

(I wonder if Victoria's Secrets is auditioning?)

At other times, it is a pain to buy pants/trousers. I remember spending an entire afternoon in London trying to get a pair of dress trousers that could cover my hips. The pants could go up me legs but were swallowing me waist and were not very flattering in the end. A Jamaican store clerk, after careful consideration, came to the conclusion that my shape was the problem.

Of course it is! Who didn't know that! :p

So I resolved to shop on line and guess what? All the nice clothes, the really appealing clothes, come in plus sizes. So I get pleasure in watching them and dreaming that would one day I would return to the web site and find that they are in my size, (not as big as Alison Hinds but not no Kate Moss either).

Sigh...

(Did I tell you that I hate shopping?) I started having clothing tailor made, dunno how long I would keep that up, cause there is the cloth shopping and the seamstress changing your design into something you never discussed with her...

So, to return to my very tactful countrymen. Not everyone takes it upon themselves to pin point the obvious in an obvious way. Some say things like "You look nice." "Your mind is settled." Them kinda tings. All very stimulating conversations in the end, seeing as I am especially fond of small talk. My internal dialogue in situations like these ones and the ones above, often included phrases and sentences like: "Yea and you still have that hairy mole on your nose.", "Why are you speaking to me?", "What makes you think that I want to hear that?","Bugger off", "Who told you that I put on weight?", "Why are you watching me so hard in the first place?", "Yea, I am trying to catch up with you.", "Riiiiight, cause you are, like, a poster-child for Tae Bo."

Pushaman tells me that I am 'ok', that I don't need to worry... but he needs to keep his fav costumer happy, right? :)

Sigh, short of pressing a universal mute button whenever I sense an IWC (Idiotic Weight Comment), t'aint nutten a girl could do, right?

Until the invention of said universal mute button for IWC's, whenever I am faced with an IWC moment, from now on, I will transport myself to the Ultimate Spider-man universe, and imagine that I am the King Pin and that I being verbally thrashed by the ever witty, king of quips, Peter Parker. (See below). I mean, if someone were to, er, greet me in the masterful way that Parker upbraids the King Pin, it would probably still sting, but at least I could chuckle at the fact that they actually took some time out to think about what they were saying, and tried to be clever about it.


The following is excerpted from an exchange between King and Spider-man of the Ultimate Spider-man, as written by B. Michael Bendis.

Spider-man: ...and I promised myself that if I ever had a moment with you face to face again that I would tell you. There are all kinds of things I wanted to tell you but I was afraid that I would forget to say them and I really wanted to remember to tell you them because they are really important to me.
(Reaches into Spidey costume and produces pages from a notepad).
Ok, here goes: You are so fat that when you cut yourself shaving marshmallow fluff comes out. (Pause)
No? Ok, how about this one? You are so fat that your high school yearbook photo was taken from a helicopter.
(Pause)
Oooh ...tough room. Ok. How about this one. You are so fat that when you get on a scale it says: One at a time.

King Pin: (Lunging in fit at Spider-man) You son of a --!

Spider-man: Wait wait, how about this one, your belly button makes an echo. If you were a truck you would have a wide load sign. When you back up we can hear the beeping sound.

King-Pin: (Plunging after Spider-man with both fists) Hyaaargh!! I am going to kill you!!!


Yours grumpily-and-heading-to-the-gym-tomorrow-so-she-could-build-muscles,
Empath aka Kandake

Of Faith and the 2009 Constitutional Reform Bill

'You strong in your faith, then?' she said, as if she couldn't leave things alone.
Oats sighed. 'I try to be.'
'But you read a lot of books, I'm thinking. Hard to have faith, ain't it, when you read too many
books?'
Oats was glad she couldn't see his face. Was the old woman reading his mind through the
back of his head?
'Yes,' he said.
'Still got it, though?'
'Yes.'
'Why?'
'If I didn't, I wouldn't have anything.'

From: Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett

The above exchange epitomizes why Carpe Jugulum is one of my favorite Terry Pratchett books. Not just because the Lancre Coven totally obliterates some 'confused' vampires, (they're confused because they get their ranks confused, thinking they could turn Granny Weatherwax.)
But because I found that Terry Pratchett captured the struggle of a key character, young Mightily Oats, an Omnian priest.

Oats is a believer, devout to both his faith and learning. But, as the extract suggests, his learning and his faith don't always gel. As a result Oats would be in two minds about most things, if not everything, a trait which made it difficult for the vampire hypnosis to work on him. (It's pretty easy to mind-zap somebody who is singular in their thinking.)

My mind recalls this exchange between the world-weary-and-wise Weatherwax and the young priest after, I participated in a recent debate about constitutional reform over at Will's spot. The debate raises questions for me, about finding a middle-ground between one's faith and individual beliefs and sharing a planet with people who do not share this belief. In a previous post, more or less, or I would have hinted that my world sense has been shaped by the Christian values instilled in me from an early age. I understand the value of faith and see value in the teachings of Christ as he walked the earth. His lessons of compassion and forgiveness often serve to temper my sometimes knee-jerk desire to exact an eye for an eye, for example.

I am by no means a saint and won't pretend to be. But I have tried to pattern the way I deal with people after thinking about what Jesus would do. I particularly think about the way he walked among men who the establishment of the day would have turned their backs on. And I believe that in so doing, he provided an example for the rest of us.

But I am also like Mightily Oats. (Not the part where I am a priest for monotheistic religion on the Discworld.) Rather, having been exposed, both formally and in-formally to other ways of seeing and knowing, I have come to learn how equally fragile and potent one's faith could be.

So, now, to relate all of this to the debate about clause 17/2 of the proposed constitution where the clause states that "[t]he State shall protect marriage, which shall be a legal union only between a person who is biologically male at birth and a person who is biologically female at birth." Better minds than mine have dissected and deconstructed the problems with this clause. For me, as a layperson, this clause in effect discriminates against a section of our society. It prevents same sex couples from having their unions legally recognized and all that goes with that.

From a post-colonial, black feminine subject position I take issue with any law that discriminates against sector(s) of the population. It was not so long ago that women could not own themselves, let alone physical property. This was enshrined in the laws that governed us. And proponents of such laws were quick to point to the Bible as a means of moral support.

On that level I find this proposed clause to be problematic.

On the other hand, homosexuality is something that is frowned upon (putting it lightly) by Christianity, that faith that has largely influenced my world sense. Here-in lies the rub. How does a young black female with post-colonial Christian sensibilities reconcile all of these factors with the proposed clause and its implications for our society? If I vote 'yes' in the referendum at the end of the year, I will have passed a bill with said clause, that some believe to represent the Christian position on homosexuality. (We only need to read certain old and new testament texts to ascertain this).

On a third hand, a yes vote to this bill will be enshrining discrimination against a subgroup within my own society. Scratch that, against human beings, within my own society.

I have to ask myself if I can be happy knowing that I am enabling discrimination, and if by doing this I am not, ironically, shooting my faith in the foot, especially the bits about compassion and not judging others. To vote yes to this bill will in effect require me to ignore that part of me that sees the humanity of LGBT people. To pretend that they are somehow degenerate and in need of being censored for their own good, discourage them from they gay ways. (Why does that type of talk sound familiar? Where has this type of talk occurred in our history?)

To vote yes to this bill, as it stands, will basically mean making life miserable for others.

And, mortal as I am, sinner that I am (for all have sinned) I am not sure that the role of moral arbiteur suits me on this issue.


Thus far, in mulling this over, I am afraid that if the referendum is called tomorrow, in its current "vote-yes/no-to-the-WHOLE-new-constitution" state, I will be inclined to vote "no". I have other issues with the bill, perhaps I'll elaborate at another time. For right now, I am not sure that I'll be happy knowing that a 'yes' vote will discriminate against the other "Others" within my society.


I have found that seeking the middle ground on this issue is not straightforward. Indeed I may well be talking myself in circles as I sound off on it, here and now. But as Whitman said, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, I am large and contain multitudes."

Yours with huge sigh and slightly lighter shoulders, for now,
Empath

The Return

(Commence Geek turn.)

(Ahem!)
Cue the Eminem track!

Guess who's back la la la
Back again la la la (kaff!)

So Marvel done gone and done it. They have brought back the man. The one, the only Steve Rogers. I must say I am actually excited by this. (Such a geek.) Gotta hand it to them. They know how to work their fans and the press too for that matter. I can already imagine what will happen when good ole Stevey Roger's gets to appreciate the reality of the Dark Reign Norman Osborne world.

Good times.

(Terminate Geek turn.)

Uh...

Sorry about the not so creative blog title, but I really was dumbfounded by this piece of news and this piece of news that I really didn't know what to say. I remember seeing an African film where an albino was portrayed as having certain mystical ability. It seems that it goes well beyond simply being able to predict the future. I hope these fishermen, business, witchdoctors get exactly what is coming to them.


This remind me of the Chrysalids, only there was no nuclear holocaust to cause mutations. These are real people living amongst us now and being treated like this.

What a world boy.

Been reading

Ok So I have come across this comic book series which is quite a thrill to read. I had to share.

Proof

Check it out!!

Empath and Kandake Wept

I had started watching Christiane Amanpour's documentary "Scream Bloody Murder" earlier this year but only tonight got to watch it in its entirety. I watched it for several reasons. There is a part of me that wants to be aware of what is going on in the world. There is another part that is drawn to the macabre images of human suffering to remind myself of the human capacity to show apathy towards the suffering of our fellow species. And there is another part that will look at a such a documentary for the sliver of hope, a sign which shows that people are equally capable of rising to the occasion and standing up for the weak and persecuted.

The word 'genocide' was coined about 60 years ago, by a man who saw that the fledgling United Nations needed to recognize its threat and implement mechanisms to prevent the slaughter of ethnic groups world wide. One would be inclined to applaud such an initiative. Yet after watching Amanpour's detailed documentation of instances where the UN and its respective super powered nations turned a deaf ear to the screams of bloody murder of witnesses of various atrocities right under their noses, I have to wonder at the relevance of such an effort and indeed, of bodies such as the UN.

Amanpour's account started with the Jewish Holocaust then moved to the Khmer Rouge, followed by Saddam and the Kurds, the crisis between Christians and Muslims in Serbia, Rwanda, and ended with the on going conflict in Darfur. In each of these situations, there were people who wrote, who lobbied and in some instances, defied the direct orders of their superiors all in an effort to alert the world to the mass murders. In each situation, Amanpour details instances where all of the screams of these voices fell on deaf ears, or on the ears of people who were too busy dancing through political mine-fields just to raise the issue. While all of this was going on, millions were slaughtered.

I was drawn to this documentary because of its demonstration of what I call the expanding cycle of history. Like Lauryn Hill says in "Lost Ones", "Nothing ain't new under the sun." People say history repeats itself. I call it an expanding cycle, because all of these events occurred in regions that were unrelated to each other, and different eras and yet the reaction is the same, as though humankind is trapped in a cycle of apathy, neglect and brutality. As though someone has put a brace on our necks that keeps up from turning our heads in an effort to examine the past. As though someone has shredded the tendrils of our optic nerves so that we are only capable of seeing a few steps in front of us. As though we are asleep and that tomorrow we will wake up and find that the echoing screams of bloody murder were the last vestiges of a nightmare that will fade from memory with the rising of the sun.

After watching the documentary I felt powerless. NGOs, aid organisations, private citizens have been drawing the world's attention to these acts of genocide. The people with the power to do something, work with the pace of wounded snails. How then do ordinary people like myself, on the otherside of the globe make a difference in the face of such suffering? I am sometimes inclined to console myself with and retreat to the fantasy realm where people like Nick Fury or even Frank Castle are around to do the dirty work needed to stop these acts of genocide. It's a bitter and temporary reprieve, all things considered.

I too run the risk of becoming apathetic, only because after seeing the cycle of brutality, apathy and neglect, repeat itself leaves me feeling numb. Perhaps the heart shuts itself off as a defense mechanism, a survival tactic, to prevent itself from overloading and breaking from all that grief.

Hope is as delicate as it is powerful.

I am hopeful then, that one of these days I will wake up and hear that they (the world's most powerful) have finally broken the brutal cycle of history.

Yours ruefully and seriously contemplating hermitage,
Empath

Blogging from Home and What Does Get me Vex.

I here at my dining room table, in the comfort of my home, listening to "What does get me Vex." With 2Cool Chris. Today if there were ten callers, 9 of them were complaining about the actions of the Police, particularly the recent "shoot outs" between the criminal elements and the police.

A notable observation is that while the criminal elements are killed in these shoot outs, there is never a report of any member of the Police force being injured.

This can mean several things.

Firstly, the criminal elements are poor shots and ought to reconsider their choice for making a living. I mean, what is the point of being a criminal involved in drug peddling, if you can't effectively wield a firearm, at least in the defense of your own life.

Secondly, it could also mean that the police are crack shots and are very good at evasive maneuvers. They never get killed. I can't recall in my lifetime, hearing of policemen being injured, and or killed in these clashes. They must be really, really, fortunate.

Additionally, there is never independent verification of these reports. What happens is that the public cries out and the Commissioner of Police tries to do damage control. Then there is another incident and the cycle continues.

People are definitely fed up with the way things seem to be heading with regards to the police. I want to see if this will be for the usual Nine Days fufrore or something meaningful will come from it.

I realize that my people are largely apathetic when it comes to certain things. In some cases it may well be that there is a bit of fear as well, as it seems that the Coppers are showing that they could take lives and get away with it. I wonder how many more souls must perish before something gives.